MetaChat - This amazing death calculator

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06 June 2006

This amazing death calculator uses several very secret methods to calculate not only at what age you will perish, but how this grevious misfortune will take place. →[More:]Mine says, "At age 43, while showing your work at a major art gallery, you will be accosted and later slain by PETA activists." That's not cool. I'm a vegetarian, fa chrissakes.

post by: amro at: 18:09 | 25 comments

On the other hand, kudos to me for getting my work into a major art gallery.

posted by amro 06 June | 18:09

Mine said I died eight years ago by falling out of a high window while drunk.

There are a few things wrong with this prediction.

posted by warbaby 06 June | 18:11

At age 81, you will be hunted by a strange apparition resembling Andy Griffith, and subsequently commit suicide after the stress proves to be too much.

Sounds good to me.

posted by porpoise 06 June | 18:14

As Steve, I perish at the ripe old age of 101, while playing Tekken 23, after losing a fight with a burglar.

As Ayer, I'm dead at 70 after being mauled by a tiger in the Burmese jungle.

You make the call.

posted by Lipstick Thespian 06 June | 18:21

At age 52, a large monkey will beat you to death, using the antiquated art of fisticuffs.

posted by essexjan 06 June | 18:27

I'm going to die at 88 from a lethal overdose of sugar.

That's cuz I'm so sweet.

posted by mudpuppie 06 June | 18:28

At age 97

That's it, no reason given. I am going to die at age 97 just because.

If I use my real name, I will die at age 49 by being shanked in prison, becoming fatally wounded. I'm not sure which is worse.

posted by dg 06 June | 18:40

LT, I go out the same way as your first method, only at age 83.

posted by gaspode 06 June | 18:40

Chokin' on steak at 58! (Shout it like a campaign slogan. Makes it more fun.)

posted by jrossi4r 06 June | 18:41

LuLu Gaspar: At age 102, you will discover that cellular phones really do cause cancer, and your days of Wall Street trading caused your demise.
Simian Owlspank: At age 98, you will die while partaking in a particularly intense meditation session.
Rossela DeGoo: At age 62, you will purchase a bowl of chili from a local fast food restaurant and choke to death on a parrot that somehow ended up in it.

This is all high crappity crap.
I'm going to be shot out of or by a cannon, metaphorically.

posted by ethylene 06 June | 18:42

I am going to die at age 97 just because.

My grandfather died at age 96 just because. We called it "old age." When you're that old, you don't need a reason.

posted by amro 06 June | 18:44

Flopsy: At age 42, you will be struck by lightning while trying to move the antenna beside your mobile home.

awwww...man, i'm gonna be living in a trailer.

no, wait. i'm gonna be a film star!

posted by flopsy 06 June | 18:48

As Wendell, I will live to 69, but as my legal name, I've been dead for 13 years. Bad page.

posted by wendell 06 June | 19:01

S_R: At age 59, a group of strangely dressed children will ridicule you until you commit suicide.

I knew it!

posted by small_ruminant 06 June | 19:01

I'm getting that shank, too, but I've got another 25 years or so. But why the hell am I not parolled at 66?

posted by kmellis 06 June | 19:08

"Paul: At age 102, you will die fighting the Global War on Terrorism in Spain.":

I'm good with that.

posted by Doohickie 06 June | 20:40

I'm pulling a Carlos Castaneda and dying dehydrated in the desert, high on peyote at 41. And all this time I thought fer sure I'd be hit by a drunk driver. 2008's gonna rawk.

posted by santee cooper 06 June | 20:46

deborah: At age 60, you will perish under strange circumstances involving a gallon of lotion, two nine volt batteries, and a photograph of a bicycle.

Oooooh, kinky!

posted by deborah 06 June | 20:58

At age 40, you will be gunned down in the street after enacting a bill that grants the WTO even more power.

Damn. 11 years left.

posted by mike9322 06 June | 21:03

strange circumstances involving a gallon of lotion, two nine volt batteries, and a photograph of a bicycle.

So sad. My grandfather went the same way.

posted by jrossi4r 06 June | 21:09

At age 72, you will die while partaking in a particularly intense meditation session. Sounds good. If I'm meditating intensely enough, I may not even notice that I'm dead.

posted by mygothlaundry 06 June | 21:41

Mine's boring: sophie: At age 47, you will pass in your sleep from undiscerned natural causes.

posted by smich 06 June | 21:50

At age 49, a meteorite will strike you as you are walking to the gas station to buy a 40oz bottle of malt beverage.

The funny thing is, I can easily see that happening.

posted by cmonkey 06 June | 22:03

LeeJay: At age 44, you will be hit by a train while napping on the railroad tracks.

Oooh! Maybe I'll become one of those railroad track ghost legends! The Drunk White Hobo Lady.

posted by LeeJay 06 June | 22:21

Hmm. So much for all my internet-personals-are-good talk.

At age 95, you will be eaten by a cannibal after willingly responding to an internet personals add requesting food for the cannibal.

posted by agropyron 07 June | 13:13

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