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06 June 2006

This thread would consider selling its soul for... [More:]

1) Money and time to write its books (eight novels and a play keep poking it in the ribs at night...).

2) Bikini underwear that fit (just because its ass is on the "pleasantly plump" side, does not mean it wants panties so gigantic they stretch up under its boobs).

3) The opportunity to travel the world (with jon, of course). First stop, Seattle?

4) Why stop at the world? A hundred healthy youthful years (you have to watch your wording with the devil) to bob around the universe, see what it can see, meet who it might meet (bring the camera, honey...).

5) World peace (it likes the irony of the devil providing this).

6) Spaghetti-Os, with the little sliced franks (can't find 'em anywhere).
1)A reliable source for pickled eggs and pickled sausage.
2)A written severance agreement (still no dice)
3)mp3's of the Lovedolls "Pearls At Swine," Jerry Dale McPadden's "Country Beats The Hell Out Of Me," and Bo Donaldson & the Heywoods' cover of the Sweet's "Teenage Rampage."
4)Ditto on the bikini underwear thing. (For pips, not me. What a revolting image.)
posted by jonmc 06 June | 12:31
...money for a new set of eyes for my dear old maw. And peanut brickle for the twins, they do love it so, the dears.

Hey, don't we sell our souls for a list of items every Christmas? Satan bless us, every one.
posted by Hugh Janus 06 June | 12:37
1) Magical anti-hangover pills
2) A laundry robot

I guess that's about it.
posted by cmonkey 06 June | 12:54
2) A laundry robot

Constructing an android from soiled garments would be futile, my friend.
posted by jonmc 06 June | 12:55
A face, for starters:

≡ Click to see image ≡
posted by Hugh Janus 06 June | 12:57
Another better, cleaner, more perfect soul.


Or 3 million dollars.


We're all friends here right? Hugh, Naples '44 is kicking my ass all over town. Dude is smoooooooooth like vel----vet!
posted by Divine_Wino 06 June | 13:09
Rocket skates
posted by Capn 06 June | 13:15
This thread would consider selling its soul for...

...more souls. (I have two that are not my own at present.)
posted by Eideteker 06 June | 13:18
eideteker, you gots Spaghetti-Os (with sliced franks, of course)?

I don't come cheap.
posted by Pips 06 June | 13:23
Yeah, man, great stuff, right, Divine_Wino? I love Lewis' frank descriptions of systematic incompetence and everyday venality. And the way he admires the Sicilians, even though most everything he has to say about them is negative.

I'd sell my soul for my own island dictatorship with a seat on the UN Security Council, now that I think about it. It'd be a really benign dictatorship, though, and everybody would get paid for doing their own thing: hanging out on the beach, playing volleyball, or sitting in a hammock at the edge of the jungle. And I'd pay Satan $50 a day (of his own money) to get rid of mosquitos.
posted by Hugh Janus 06 June | 13:23
Hugh is a man with a plan.
posted by Divine_Wino 06 June | 13:32
I think I'll keep my soul, unless, after I get a zillion dollars and eternal health and youth and stuff, I can play a game with the devil (such as Twister or possibly Trivial Pursuit) and win my soul back while keeping all my ill gotten gains! Ah ha! otherwise, cmonkey has it. I too would do just about anything for a fail safe hangover cure (that doesn't involve not drinking, shut UP) and a laundry robot.
posted by mygothlaundry 06 June | 13:40
I'd sell it for a wallet that always has a $50 bill in it and a bottle of wine that never empties.
posted by sciurus 06 June | 13:43
You don't want to play twister with the devil. Trust me on this. Dude's got HORNS!
posted by Capn 06 June | 13:46
So. . .if I don't believe I have a soul, that means I can't play. But if I thought that, then I must think I DO have one, because if I didn't, who cares? I'd sell it! Nah, there's no "it" to sell.

*plunges into existential crisis*

I'd live on Hugh's Island, though. That sounds cool.
posted by rainbaby 06 June | 13:47
yay Satan!
(\m/)

Tip: Don't rent or lease your soul; it lowers the overall market value.
Believe me.
posted by ethylene 06 June | 13:48
Rainbaby, what if you could sell your "soul", like, your rythym, funk, the crunk in your junk?
posted by Capn 06 June | 13:49
1. A winning Lotto ticket (yeah, lame wish, I know);
2. A shag (less likely than winning the Lotto, although doubtless if I won the Lotto, shags would be easier to come by);
3. A housework fairy.
posted by essexjan 06 June | 13:51
Total control over space and time.
posted by mike9322 06 June | 13:57
Failing that, two chicks at the same time.
posted by mike9322 06 June | 13:57
some magic beans.
posted by Divine_Wino 06 June | 13:58
Oh! Thank's Capn. I can go on with my day now.
posted by rainbaby 06 June | 13:59
Stop tempting the devil!!! When you're left holding magic beans and finished that shag...you'll be sorry.

Mark my words.

You'll be sorry.
posted by Lola_G 06 June | 14:28
No worries. Old Nick is too busy chasing mosquitos to make anyone sorry right now.
posted by Hugh Janus 06 June | 14:39
something shiny.
posted by gaspode 06 June | 14:39
A turkey sandwich.
posted by porpoise 06 June | 14:48
So, per Capn's definition, what is soul? Can you move? Yes. Have you lived? Yes. The only thing I would sell my soul for would be more soul. Which doesn't make sense from a buyer's perspective.

For a 37 year old white woman with a desk job, I'm at least in the 86th percentile of soul.

And do you know what people with more soul than you do? Secretly laugh at you. Doesn't mean we don't love you, though.

I am a soul sycophant when it comes to those who possess more than I.
posted by rainbaby 06 June | 15:10
What's the street value of the soul of a thread these days?
posted by pieisexactlythree 06 June | 16:07
Threads!!! Oh Pie, threads count! You have to dress well and be able to sing, too. (per the Capn's).

You have more market value than you imagine pie. May I call you pie?
posted by rainbaby 06 June | 16:16
I would happy to tell you all what the Devil traded me for his if'n you're all interested.

posted by Lipstick Thespian 06 June | 16:22
p.s. It involved many of you.
posted by Lipstick Thespian 06 June | 16:22
Yes, you may call me. My number is 555-4444
posted by pieisexactlythree 06 June | 18:09
2. A shag (less likely than winning the Lotto, although doubtless if I won the Lotto, shags would be easier to come by)

Not if pictures of you like the ones from the last UK meetup keep showing up online.
posted by Eideteker 06 June | 18:39
1. A buck-three-eighty.

2. That is all.
posted by Doohickie 06 June | 20:54
Quick 666 Survey: How Many of Your Fellow Co-Workers Come Out as Born-Agains Today? || R.I.P. Billy Preston

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