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05 June 2006

The World's Worst Energy Drink [More:]As you all know, LT is quite the connoisseur of those Frankenstein creations known as "energy drinks" - your Rockstars, your Monsters, your Red Bulls. But this morning I found one that literally tasted like Diet Sprite mixed with lawn shavings and aspirin - a neon-bright liquid that made the inside of my mouth gecko green.

One of the ingredients was listed as Horny Goat Weed. Now, one of the fun things about energy drinks is the unusual stuff they toss in along with the rocketfuel and the taurine/ginkgo biloba/etc.

In Rockstar, it's Milk Thistle, but Horny Goat Weed???

Their website says that drinking Socko "captures life in it's purest form!" - well, gauging by the anorexic-looking lady on the front page, I think she's been captured by whatever hideous effect Horny Goat Weed has on the human metabolism.

Scary, just scary.
Is there going to be a companion drink called 'Boffo?'
posted by jonmc 05 June | 10:31
I'm waiting for the Gangbusters drink myself.
posted by Lipstick Thespian 05 June | 10:35
The US market for energy drinks is tiny compared to Japan's. While I lived there, I had my choice of hundreds of elixirs to jack me up and wire me for a day of teaching junior highschoolers. Once I spent twenty-five bucks on one just to see if there was a difference. There was! This drink was like snorting a bump of C and drinking two cups of coffee; it gave me a hard-on that lasted half the day. It came in a little bottle inside a glossy red box with gold lettering and a side panel showing pictures of the main ingredients: various roots and herbs, seedpods, and the cutest pup seal I've ever seen.

I'm going to hell.
posted by Hugh Janus 05 June | 10:56
Yeah you are you fuck! Where is this drink and what is it called?
posted by Lipstick Thespian 05 June | 11:00
I don't know what it's called! It was all in funny squiggles; they can't even write English over there! I just called it "monkey-head medicine" but it was the seal penis that did the trick. I may also have had some tiger penis drink in Yokohama's Chinatown. Kampoyakku is the Japanese word for Chinese medicine, and pharmacies over there usually have as much kampoyakku medicine as they do "modern" medicine. I'll search the internet, but it's likely I won't find it.
posted by Hugh Janus 05 June | 11:32
Wow, Hugh, you sure drink a lot of penises.
posted by SassHat 05 June | 11:58
What's in a name?
posted by Hugh Janus 05 June | 12:23
Oh dear. Terrible. Marketers are from Mars; people are from Earth.
posted by flopsy 05 June | 12:23
Fairy wings are not a martian marketing plot! Just looking at 'em makes me hot.

That made me laugh, Sass.
posted by danostuporstar 05 June | 12:39
i'm all abouut energy drinks and half day hard ons, but the penis has no power. it's all hoo hoo dilly myth.
(and hoo hoo dilly whatever does not sound like penis)
posted by ethylene 05 June | 13:06
It's true; drying out a tiger's penis (or any penis, for that matter), grinding it up, and mixing it into a drink will not guarantee fully election.

Mustabeen the snake liver oil, or all the tentacle-fucking going on in the comic books.
posted by Hugh Janus 05 June | 13:13
or the speed.
Hope you had it strapped down. Doesn't seem like wandering around fully erect in Japan is good manners, somehow.
posted by ethylene 05 June | 13:17
After about an hour at my desk, I called my sweetheart and persuaded her to knock off work too; then we set to getting rid of it.
posted by Hugh Janus 05 June | 13:38
snack break?
≡ Click to see image ≡
posted by ethylene 05 June | 13:52
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