MetaChat - Ask MeCha: How can I get more respect in the workplace?

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21 April 2006

Ask MeCha: How can I get more respect in the workplace? →[More:]
Lately, I've felt that I'm being taken advantage of. I don't want to go into too much detail, but my job entails many responsibilities, not the smallest of which is, well... providing pleasure and comfort to the many women living in my household. I have a chiseled, shiny physique that I work hard to maintain, I never wear a shirt, and I ensure that I am oiled up at all times; all these things are to fulfill my role as "Eye Candy". I realize this is my job, but sometimes I feel like a piece of meat. I'm a person, with a brain and feelings! At first, everybody loved having me around, and there was small talk and laughing, and the tips were spectacular. Recently, all that's gone - I'm just a body. A sexy, masculine, glistening body.

Is it me? Have I gotten boring somehow? I feel like I'm doing everything the same as before. What can I do to spice up my career?

post by: Cabana Boy at: 08:34 | 21 comments

Shut up and bring me a pina colada.

posted by amro 21 April | 08:35

Wise men have struggled with this problem, and left us a rich, poetic legacy.

She said: "Take me home."
I need love so strong
Come on and knock me out, oh!
I've been too long alone
I want hot love, you know, and I need it now!"

She said: "Hey, let's go, don't put on a show
You're just another piece, another piece of meat"
She said: "Hey, let's go, don't put on a show
You're just another piece --
Another piece of meat."

posted by Wolfdog 21 April | 08:39

Grow a fourth penis?

posted by Hugh Janus 21 April | 08:39

Sock puppets suck.

posted by danostuporstar 21 April | 08:43

Amro beat me to it :(

May I suggest that you stop oiling yourself up, stop with the manscaping, let your chest get overrun with hair and your eyebrows get bushy, especially stop shaving your face or showering, and start playing angry music and reading books that make most people angsty and annoying, like Nietszche and Sartre.*

The ladies will either avoid you or want you more. This is a risk you'll have to take.

* IRL truth: I avoid these people like the plague!

posted by halonine 21 April | 08:45

stop peeing on the towels.

posted by jonmc 21 April | 08:50

You need a new skill. I suggest chainsaw ice-sculpture.

posted by sciurus 21 April | 09:19

You obviously need to be doing more interpretive dance on the job.

posted by chewatadistance 21 April | 09:24

Maybe introduce theme days? For instance Mondays could be funny hat day? Tuesdays could be new book day, Wednesdays interesting thong day, Thursdays could be discuss a new play or musical day and Fridays painted penis day? Paint it to resemble a new and different animal every week? No?

Oh well. I suggest then that you try to intellectualize your job a little. Pick towels printed with famous works of art or with excepts of classic novels or poetry. Serve drinks that have historical significance (do these even exist or did I just pull that out of my ass?)...

posted by LunaticFringe 21 April | 09:33

You could try using bigger words to describe your relationships with your bosses. Nothing give more poing to a pornos than a well-placed portuguese term.

posted by danostuporstar 21 April | 09:35

I'll have a Peloponnesian War, heavy on the gin, and a Magna Carta for the lady.

posted by agropyron 21 April | 09:36

We men are never going to be able to break the glass ceiling if brothers like you keep reënforcing (look at me! I'm The New Yorker!) the negative stereotypes.

Also, a mohito, light on the sugar. And put a shirt on.

posted by Capn 21 April | 10:03

You'll have to wait, I'm in line for a Discovering the New World with extra olives.

posted by LunaticFringe 21 April | 10:06

LF wins! The thread, and my heart. I mean, Cabana Boy's heart.

What?

posted by mike9322 21 April | 10:08

You should begin interviewing for new positions. Can you be here at 10am?

posted by Diva Despina 21 April | 10:13

New "positions". Tee hee.

posted by mike9322 21 April | 10:15

Yay! I win! What do I win? Something fun? Or exciting? How about XXXciting? :P

posted by LunaticFringe 21 April | 10:21

I'd like a "drink to me only with thine eyes" coaster for my beverage, please.

posted by matildaben 21 April | 10:32

Well, Cabana Boy, which do you want: respect, or to spice up your career?

While you're deciding, go fetch the palm fronds. I'm hot.

posted by Specklet 21 April | 10:55

How can I get more respect in the workplace?

If you really have to have the olives in your ass, keep 'em (I guess.) But for God's sake, lose the little pink sword. It's undignified, says I.

posted by trondant 21 April | 10:59

I'm hot.

We know.

posted by trondant 21 April | 11:00

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