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06 June 2005

Greetings fellow butt-drinkers. I am moving at the end of this month. The room that I am moving into is slightly larger than my current room, but does not have a closet. I have a lot of things in my closet. Like latent homosexuality. Not really, it's more of an admiration for respectable men. I could use a hug. Anyways, I have a lot of things like stacks of Field and Stream, and I was wondering how you cope with possession depression. I look at all my possessions and I just cry. Because little boys like Michael Jordon fondled died for them. For the oil that went into the detergent that washes my soiled underwear.
Well, that is what you say now, but what is going to happen when all that stuff in your closet has to come out? You think you are depressed now - you just wait until your life is all on display after you move.
posted by dg 06 June | 01:48
I think the only thing I have to be embarassed about is the pastel print comforter I threw in the closet because I didn't want this girl I had over to see my awful clashing bedding combination!
posted by michelob 06 June | 01:52
Date blind chycks.
posted by Dagobert 06 June | 01:55
posted by taz 06 June | 01:59
I was reading an old copy of field and stream in the doctor's office waiting to see a specialist about 7 or 8 months ago (the magazine was old then, older) and there was an article filled with really stunning pictures of brown bears I hope this helps.
posted by buttes 06 June | 02:04
But, aren't armoires for girls? Or would one be suitable for someone who is flamboyant, but not quite to the point of gayness - the kind of guy who doesn't care if people think he is gay, but would run a mile if another guy tried to fondle his sack? Because that is the impression I get from this poor soul who is seeking our help.
posted by dg 06 June | 02:09
Well, in that case, get Early American, which all Field and Stream guys should agree is pretty macho (ugly).
posted by taz 06 June | 02:20
I don't really have any sort of clothing in my closet, it's mostly just assorted random junk I can't seem to get rid of. So an armoire is kind of a different animal than what I'm looking for.
posted by michelob 06 June | 02:25
Taxidermy moose. Very manly and lot of storage.
posted by arse_hat 06 June | 02:27
modular storage?
posted by taz 06 June | 02:33
perfect. you're wonderful.
posted by michelob 06 June | 02:40
I coped by going overseas and ridding myself of 3/4 of the dross we all accumulate. It's liberating in the running around with no clothes on but not in the breaking out of jail sense.
posted by peacay 06 June | 02:42
peacay nails it...naked even.
posted by Schyler523 06 June | 03:51
yes but the books? the books!
posted by dhruva 06 June | 06:18
Just for the record, Michael Jackson is the boy-fondler, not Michael Jordan. I was in the same boat once when I lived in NYC - no closet in my bedroom. I found a really ugly metal thing that looked like this (except that the one I found was chipped and rusted), at the Salvation Army, and I painted random coloful designs on it. It looked fantastic, for the price of some paint. Go dumpster diving! Look at these metal cabinets that someone painted to look like wood.
posted by iconomy 06 June | 11:25
1. bite your lip.
2. throw all that shit away.
3. breathe sigh of relief.
posted by Wedge 06 June | 11:30
Not to encourage the oh-so-uncool accumulation of material objects (God forbid), but you might take advantage of the fact that self-storage is one of the highest-growth industries in the US for exactly this reason. For a pretty cheap monthly amount, you can cram a _ton_ of stuff into a little, locked room, and forget about it till the next time you move.

(Because you _will_, someday, own a huge house with tons of magazine rack space. Mounted right in the walls, no less, because the previous owner will have been an amateur periodicals librarian. Really. All houses are like that.)
posted by LairBob 06 June | 17:26
Throwing things away is much easier when you are 1)high on cough syrup 2)have cried yourself out 3)have to move anyway 4)realize that an armoire or modular storage is not a way to handle stuff, it is in fact, more stuff=MetaStuff.

But then my apartment is decorated in what I fondly refer to as Media Clutter.
posted by omiewise 07 June | 10:14
Taking Names: || Spanking Jessica Cutler and Robert Steinbuch